Asking for a Friend: Getting Real When It Comes to Privacy

It's a sad fact of life for a real estate agent--far too often, some of your closest friends avoid asking you to represent them in either the sale or purchase of a new home. What seems like a no-brainer is somehow not even on the table. And it's not because the agent isn't competent or professional or absolutely amazing at what they do.

It's because the friend or family member feels like they don't want someone very close to them to be "up in their business." By that, they mean they do not want to have to disclose some of the intricate details of their financial or even personal life. 

Here's an example of the type of scenario that can play out: an agent's spouse has two family members who are each planning to sell their existing homes and buy newly constructed homes. Let's call them Aunt Betty and Aunt Sally. Now, both these family members know that their nephew's wife is an established real esate agent in their area. In fact, she has a background in new construction. Neither Aunt Betty nor Aunt Sally have a close, personal tie to any other real estate agent. 

You might think both these ladies would hire the family member who is an experienced real estate agent, knowledgeable in new construction. In fact, it would seem their lucky day to have someone who would be so committed to ensuring their real estate transactions goes off smoothly. But instead, Aunt Betty chooses to engage representation from another agent in town, while Aunt Sally happily asks the family member to represent her. What unfolds in the months to follow (remember, I said it was new construction) comes as no surprise to the agent in the family. It turns out, the unrelated agent was less than competent, particularly at new construction. This left Aunt Betty with a lot of unanswered questions about the process while dealing with an agent that was not nearly as committed to serving her best interests as she could have anticipated from a family member. She found herself in the awkward position of attempting to ask the agent in the family questions through other family members, but was repeatedly directed back to the agent she had hired. 

Here's another example of the type of situation that can sometimes happen: an experienced agent learns that her married child's in-laws--Dave and Mary--are planning to downsize now that all their children have left the nest. Since she has a good relationship with them, she's expecting to get a call at some point, although she doesn't want to appear "pushy" since she only heard the news of a possible move through the family grapevine. But that call never comes. Instead, the couple enlist the help of a less experienced agent in town who is not as familiar with the neighborhood. They end up disappointed in how well their home is being marketed and wonder why it is still on the market while other properties in the area are going under contract within a day of listing.

A Seemingly No-Brainer Becomes a Head Scratcher

While the above narratives are simply fabricated situations, they are real examples of the type of situations that occur in the life of a real estate agent. So, what's going on in these scenarios? Why would someone who already knows an exeprienced, successful real estate agent turn over the biggest investment of their life to an acquaintance or even a stranger, potentially putting their biggest financial investment at risk? 

Frequently, this seemingly perplex situation has absolutely nothing to do with the agent's competence or the personal relationship. It doesn't even mean that the unknown agent somehow has a more dazzling listing or marketing presentation. Why? Because in the stories above, the family member or friend who was an agent wasn't even given the chance to present their strategy or discuss their qualifications in detail.

Instead, it comes down to one thing: a misconception about what information is disclosed to a real estate agent during the course of selling or buying a home.

Unfortunately, far too often, people think that a real estate agent is going to have access to their incomes, their tax records, their job history--any and all types of personal and financial information. And the hard fact is, it bothers them greatly. In fact, they are filled with so much anxiety over the thought of someone close to them knowing the intricate details of their financial lives and history that they would rather risk a relationship than risk disclosing that information because they fear that soon "everyone will know their business."

It's an issue no one seems willing to talk about, so let me set the records straight. As a real estate professional, my business relies on my reputation as a trustworthy and knowledgeable individual. My role requires that I exercise a level of discretion. Regardless of whom my client is, everything they tell me is kept in complete confidence, now and forever more. I am guided by a code of ethics that I always uphold.

Secondly, as your real estate agent, I do not dig into the nitty-gritty of your finances. Instead, I leave that to your mortgage lender.

All I am truly interested in is whether your lender is satisfied that you are a worthy buyer of a home within the price level you have chosen. And about that price level? That doesn't even tell me your household income because of the many moving parts that go into your lender qualifying you. Plus, I know from experience that very few buyers decide to purchase a home at the very top of their pre-approved limit.

So for all the Aunt Bettys out there and for all the Daves and all the Marys, take heart. Enlist the help of that agent in your family or within your circle of friends, as long as you know them to be a competent and trustworthy real estate agent. You are not likely to find anyone who will be more committed to helping you find just the right home--and no one who understands your needs better. Now, that doesn't mean you should turn over the biggest investment of your life to your cousin's son who just got licensed to "help him out" because he hasn't done many deals. Nor should you feel obligated to enter into an agreement with your friend from college who seems to change career paths on an annual basis and got into real estate because she "likes pretty houses."

But, by contrast, if you already have an existing relationship with an experienced, qualified real estate agent, give them a call. In the end, you'll be so happy that you did. And, your private information--well, it will remain private.